love woman
May 14 2018


Since Mother’s Day was last weekend, and since I am away celebrating my 30th anniversary with my lovely wife, I thought I might share some things I’ve learned about how to love a woman. This may be obvious to some of you, but most guys are not naturally good at this. I’ve learned most of this through trial and error. But most of this applies whether the woman you are trying to love is your girlfriend, wife, mother, sister, or daughter. By the way, if you have a daughter, you must do this to set the standard for how she will expect to be treated by a man who says he loves her.


1. See her


Every girl wants to be beautiful, but no girl wants to be an object. Look into her eyes and deep into her soul. Be curious about her and what makes her tick. See the beauty that is more than skin deep. I always think of how the blue Avitar people in James Cameron’s movie said they loved each other. “I see you.” See how she uniquely bears the image of God and point it out.


2. Tell her


You must also tell her what is going on inside of you.  This one is hard for me.  Often I don’t know.  But guys, intimacy is spelled “into-me-see”.  You need to crack open your chest and show her your heart. You can start with what’s on your mind, but she wants to know stuff she couldn’t tell by following you around and observing you.  Listen to Billy Joel’s advice on this one. “Tell her about it. Tell her all your crazy dreams.” Let her in.


3. Hear her


Hearing her is more than just putting up with her talking. You must listen for her heart. Practice giving her feedback. “What I hear you saying is . . . “. When she tells you things she is frustrated with or dealing with, don’t jump to fixing it. I know this is hard. Guys are wired to want to fix stuff and move on. She needs you to hear her and know her heart more than she needs you to fix her and solve her problems.


4. Hold her


When she is upset, sad, anxious or scared, hold her. Again, resist the urge to fix her or talk her out of her feelings. Just be the strong presence of Jesus to her. Even if she is your wife, don’t use the opportunity to make a move on her. If she wants that you will know. Just be the safety and warmth she needs.


5. Serve her


Washing the dishes, picking up the kids, changing diapers, cleaning up or offering to get dinner can all be simple ways to say “I love you” without words. For some women, this is their love language. But I don’t know a woman that wouldn’t like to be served in some way.


6. Protect her


I believe men were given extra strength by God so they can protect women and children. Use it. Protect her not just physically, but emotionally. Stand up for her to the kids, the parents, the neighbors and even her friends. Protect her time and her emotional health by encouraging her to take care of herself.


7. Choose her


If she’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, after you have done all of the above and as you continue to do all the above you may ask her consent to marry her, make love to her and raise children with her. Then you must continue to choose her as your one and only every day for the rest of your life.


How to love every woman


“Treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” 1 Tim. 5:2


You can relate to other women in a pure way no matter how attractive they are if you remember that God has given you one wife, many sisters, many mothers (and I would add many daughters). If the woman in front of you (either in person or on a screen) is not your one wife, she is either your mother, your sister or your daughter.  So see her that way, treat her that way, and love her that way. If you find yourself attracted to her in an impure way, pray for her to be protected from men who will use her and to find a man who will love her like Jesus does.  Continue to treat all the women in your life the way you would (on your best day) treat your mom, you sister or your daughter.


Men, we have a great opportunity to preach the gospel by how we love our wives and the other women in our lives. Let’s love well!

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